DMonic Comedy

I looked through the stuff I posted here, and I said to meself, "Well, mister DM, it has been far too long since you last made a real joke post." So I decided to cure that problem.

I will start with:

REASONS WHY I THINK THE PLAYERS WILL FAIL:
1) Because they don't bother to look deeper into matters that come their way.
2) Because they have a (-n!) Luck Stat.
3) Because they don't burn bodies this time.
4) Because they are obsessed with power.
5) Because they forget to be as detailed as possible.
6) Because they forget to role play all the time.
7) Because they forget to use their brains.
8) Because they don't look deeper into rumors that come their way. (Though I notice you are getting better at this)
9) Because they don't look deeper into what my posts might mean. (You think I write these for my health? Well...I do, but there is a point to them!)
10) Because they bring Game Boys to a fantasy world.
11) Because I feel like it.
12) Because you broke my game.
13) Because you won the debate in debate class.
14) Because you stole my teddy bear.
15) Because violence does not solve all problems.
16) Because they keep talking to the DM as though he was a real person. (I just zinged myself)
17) Because the DM ran out of ideas and decided to through a Multh level Nightmare at them.
18) Because they will jump on the chance to gain immortality.
19) Because last campaign they solved their problems by blowing stuff up.
20) Because the DM rolls natural twenties.
21) Because everyone dies. Unless they are just an optical illusion.
22) Because they didn't pick the Lumberjack class.
23) Because they ticked off the DM's girlfriend. (No, no, no. She is cool with you guys. Don't worry....yet)
24) Because they believe they can convert hex charts to square charts.
25) Because http://www.caffeinenebula.com/quizzes/quizFiles/oregontrail/dysentery.gif
26) Because there are monsters with OVER 9000!!!!! hit dice.
27) Because THIS-IS-MYSTARA!!!!
28) Because.......
29) Because there is no spoon.
30) Because the players got some unfinished buisness.
31) Because that unfinished buisness will lead to an almost H.P. Lovecraft like story.
32) Because the DM has been looking at random fantasy pictures to get some ideas.
33) Because you are expected to outlive your characters.
34) Because the B button is stuck.
35) Because with the next item on this list, I will be at max level for just making a list.
36) Because the DM made a list about why I think you will fail....(probably the biggest reason)

Now for some FUN LINES TO USE WHEN KILLING SOMEONE
1) Your life is too short, let me cut it.
2) Hey look! There is a knife on that table. And now it is in your face.
3) At least you didn't get dysentery.
4) I meant to "axe" your a question!
5) THIS-IS-MYSTARA!!!!
6) Yes! Quest for large intestine is complete.
7) I see a corpse in your place.
8) I like to keep our relationship short.
9) Excuse me, I like to preform a scientific experiment on you. Tell me what it is like to die.
10) Oooooh. Spaghetti.
11) To bad you can't see me winning.
12) Now I get to do that victory dance I have been practicing.
13) Give me your heart! I love you!
14) FALCON-STAAAB! (when backstabbing stealth-like)
15) Now I don't have to remember your name.
16) I want to raise a few maggots for healing. I need your corpse.
17) You n'wah!
18) YARGLEBARGLE!
19) HULK SMASH!
20) LERROOOY JENKINS!
21) I LOVE YELLING BECAUSE IT IS IN ALL CAPS!
22) I go above and beyond the natural twenty.
23) Feel the wrath of Canadian Lumber fool!
24) You cannot escape the pain my Gazebo Slayer can dish out!
25) It's just that simple...
26) Chalk on up to me!
27) I will give you all a beautiful end.
28) Me...enemy...defeat!
29) Witness the might of the Sanada!
30) Ha! Another victim slain like a Koei npc!
31) Gotta slaughter.....
32) Ninja vanish!
33) I like to stab.
34) REAGAN SMASH!
35) Yippie-ki-yay
36) Devils D0 Cry because I make them cry!
37) Don't worry! I want to be your friend!
38) This hurts me more than it hurts you.
39) HADOKEN!
40) Ha! I rolled a natural forty!
41) I will roll to make a witty comment!
42) Life, Universe, Everything.

What will that zanny DM do next? Sorry about the corny jokes here and there. And yes, the title of this post is pronounce "Demonic"