What I Think The Players Learned So Far

Well, it is almost the end of the first part of the campaign. That is, Part I out of V by the way (mwuhahaha). As I am hardly motivated to write a bunch of details on how you guys were lost in the mountains (you eejits went the wrong bloody way) I think I will waste your time with boring, useless information on what I think you have learned so far in the campaign. Pay heed. This will be on your final. By the way, papers are due next time we meet. All who does not turn their paper with their works cited will receive a big fat F.

1) When in doubt, set something on fire!

2) Burning bodies is a good way to get attention.

3) When something bites down on you, they will bite down on your with BOTH sets of teeth!

4) Sometimes, rolling well is a bad thing.

5) Armstead is a nice town....to burn down...

6) Maleik is holding the leash to six rabid dogs that will tear him to pieces the moment they get a chance.

7) Where there is goblins, there will be cervders.

8) The DM really does not care if the players die. In fact, there is a belief that the DM sometimes makes the mistake in believing that the players are dead already.

9) The DM can screw sometimes by forgetting a few things. Just don't rub it in his face our *smite smite smite*

10) The DM can also screw up sometimes when he is planning these things. The bad news is that he just wings it anyways thinking that the players are smart enough to think their way out of the situation.

11) The rails in this game go wherever the players want them to go...even into the mouth of dooooooooom.

12) Passed on past statistics, we can make these conclusions:
a) The players WILL roll really good when there is absolutely no point in rolling really good.
b) The players WILL roll really bad when they desperately need to roll high.
c) The DM WILL roll mediocre throughout most of the game whenever it is just a random fight
d) The DM WILL roll unbelievably high when the players really don't need him too.
e) The players WILL come up with bad ideas when the DM is rolling high.
f) The players WILL get their head handed to them right before the get out of where ever they are adventuring safely.
g) The players WILL survive because luck, for some reason, decides to join the heroes and keep them alive to the very end
h) The DM WILL try to do something evil to the players when luck joins the players as described in the previous note.
i) The players WILL be grateful that the DM gets them a bunch of dice that they are can use.

Based on all the data that we have collected, we decided that the scientific way to approach all this is to travel the land at only 1 HP because this study has shown that you will not die....unless you stub your toe....

13) The odds of getting lost while traveling is determined by using the mathematical formula that takes into consideration on how far the players travel, the weariness of the players, if there is something going on in the land around them, if the players interact with something going on in the land around them, if they leave the road, and if there is something good on the TV that the DM wants to watch.

14) The DM likes to pull the player's leg. Unfortunately, this means that the players never really now if he is serious about that random green dragon that just came out of nowhere and devoured the party.

15) The wizard is the brains, the bazooka, and the first to die if things get hairy.

16) No one in this campaign can pronounce anyone's or anything's names correctly. Even if it was to save their lives.

17) This world is screwed.

18) The Dark Side feels pretty refreshing. Especially when you start growing the horns.

19) The DM does not prepare for the player's stupidity.

20) There are no atheists when the DM rolls a Natural 20.

Anything else you guys want to add?